Friday, August 5, 2011

What do you think of this as a start of a story............Please read. Thanks?

It seems like a good story but the first sentence doesnt quite flow.... you cant describe a person as a present wrapped up in silver decor. At first i actually thought you were referring to the present as a ring but was lost after i got to the educated part. Describe this character as you would your first love or atleast as something alot of people would relate to.

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